I am that Dumb

So I named the blog the relapsing addict because that's what I am. I've been struggling to be free from porn for about 13 years now. The longest term of "sobriety" that I've had, if I'm honest is about 8 months.  The past 3 or so years, I regularly go about 8 months with out crossing the pornography line. The problem is that 8 months of sobriety is really only about 4 weeks without looking for images to lust after. Then that turns into looking for "not-porn" to try to satiate the monster inside me, which eventually leads to relapse.

I think that pornography addiction is interesting because while we say we have been "sober" from porn for such and such a time, if other addicts are like me, we are really hedging and minimizing until it can't be done anymore. I'd guess that the normal Christian male who looks at women to lust after them is doing the same thing.  I refer to these times that I look for "not-porn" as asterisks on my sobriety date. I added one last night.

There are a myriad of reasons that I could say caused that latest asterisk, but truthfully they happen so often lately that I don't really feel the need to justify a reason. I just need to quit. But how to quit?

Obviously I don't know or I would not have started this little blog. But in my time in recovery I have learned one thing. When I am truly sober without the asterisks, it is because of the Grace of Jesus Christ. That is the only thing that has kept me sober at all in these years, and for that I am grateful.